Querida Matón


Hey people! How are we all doing today? Me i’m sorta kinda pissed off! See i stalk this person on twitter(yeah call the police 😛 ) and just discovering a degree of ‘fakery’ that flabbergasts me. As in how fake can you be? I don’t swear but goes on there and curses the pants off people, i don’t beg for peeps to talk to me but goes on tweeting at random people. Think i should recommend my last post to the dude only that i would have to own up to the stalking bit 😛

Sorry for ranting peeps, today like i said last week, i’m going to be experimenting; this will involve guest writers. Short stories, poems and what have you. Before we go on i wanna talk about something I’ve been thinking about for a few days now; the Olympics! If you live in London and work anywhere near Central London, you will understand my fear for those coming weeks. *sigh*

Going to work on a ‘normal’ day is stressful enough, the emotional trauma one goes through everyday on the train is another story on its own! Is it the loss of signal in some random station ahead when you really need to get to work on time or being stuck in-between stations for minutes unending and no word from our beloved train driver or the bumper to bumper carriages(people be calling on judo and karate skills to get and stay on the train 😀 )

With all these points of mine i have come to the conclusion that to survive the impending Olympics i will get myself a pregnancy pouch -_-  yup you read me right! A 7month lookalike pregnancy pouch and as i leave my house i’m confident that i will get a seat on the train and be given preference whilst walking, babe be walking and rubbing her bump, hehehehe LMBO!!! I hear the gasps but quirkies i really don’t care! I can’t or rather won’t stand for 40-45 minutes on a train. Ok I’ve let that out hehehehehehe let’s get on with the post 🙂

My friend Biola of  http://punthiefications.wordpress.com/ has done me a huge favour and written something especially for quirkytims which i’ll post today. If you like this new development, comment and let me know. Hope you like 🙂 *fingers crossed*

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Dear Primary school bully,

How are you and the family? Hope you alri………………… NAH NAH, I don’t care about your family or you. Listen, I’m just writing this letter to prick your conscience (hopefully to death). You single-handedly made my life a living hell as a kid (You and Big bird, that Big yellow bitch like chicken gave me nightmares for years. Don’t ask what she was doing to me). Remember how you used to wait for me at the gates of school with your bag pack and used to make me carry it every time? You were Batman and I was the side kick (I don’t mean Robin, you used to kick my side so hard I still walk funny till date. You lucky the supermarket doesn’t sell anthrax).

I had to submit my lunch to you and go hungry every day of primary school (Stupid me, should have emptied a whole bottle of JIK in that plate of rice). There are only 3 people till date I’ve ever wished dead, Tom Overebo (This bastard reffed the Chelsea Barca champions league match and turned a blind eye to three solid penalty shouts. (Yoruba) O ma bomb fun e ni) Otunba Gbenga Daniels (No bursary this year, he single-handedly bankrupted a whole state, I mean, how does one bankrupt a whole state?) and you!

You made me watch Super Ted with fervor. I prayed every day that he (it) would fly into your house and whisk you away to Mother Nature who would turn you into a shrub or something. (You see how sick you made me as a child? Making me wish a teddy bear would rescue me from you?). And yes, I blame you for my math deficiency (Well, calling my relationship with arithmetics a deficiency is like calling a Lion a cat). Didn’t read my multiplications table cause I was more caught up with dreams of you at the guillotine and I don’t mean as a spectator. Shit, dreaming of you made me wet my bed till I was 8 (Sobbing) WHY WHY WHY? 😦

There was this one time I stood up to you, remember? Yeah, you would remember, cause you made me eat sand 5 seconds later (that’s how long it took my tremor like vibrating legs to stay upright). If this was the States I’d need a shrink (But in Nigeria, the shrinks are crazier than their patients, so no thanks). In primary 3, mom bought me a very cool Superman under wear. Wore ‘em to school one time and during pee break you saw it and seized it from me, had to tell mom that I shit myself in class and had to dispose of it (You are going to hell for all the lies you made me tell).

I studied for my common entrance with so much zest I could have won a Nobel for Most studious Primary school Nerd (Cause I was sure you were going to repeat and I didn’t want to be in the same class with you for one more second talk more of a year). When I left primary school, you gave me more memories than my first trip to Hawaii (When I actually really go, hopefully my honey moon. God, give me a super rich Father-in-law).

And here I am, decades later and your face still etched on my mind like an imprint of your sandal on my backside. You lucky I’m broke would have hired the Russian mob to run through your whole neighborhood. I ran into a childhood friend lately and he told me you are now a banker (Hope the EFCC raid your home and find an ATM in your closet.) He also told me you are getting married, but what made me smile the most (Cause what goes around, comes around) was that you are pregnant. 

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That’s it folks! With that we end today’s broadcast 😀  reruns can be seen everyday at 6pm on https://quirkytims.wordpress.com/ 😀 I was in stitches when he sent me this. What do y’all think of it? lemme know, comment, like, support a sister (i deybeg ni o! ) i hope y’all now know i’m not the only crazy person hehehehehe, Biola e yaff crase tey tey… 😛

Can’t believe i forgot add that i saw ‘The Dictator’ lemme give y’all a few lines  from the movie nah! go and watch it hehehehehe did you think i’d tell you? ok ok this one line ” i’m sorry i have bad news. what? it’s a girl. somebody get a trash can” you’d have to see it to get it 😛

Anyways y’all take care, be good and be true to yourselves even if it means a few days of tears or pain. Let that girl know you love her, let that boy know he is your prince, forgive that person who’s hurt you so you might also receive forgiveness from God. Hug someone and smile with abandon at some random person 🙂 Miss my quirkies already 😦 Talk to y’all soon big HUG n little kisses :*

   Missed Pentecost2012??? It was an awesome time in God’s presence. London’s getting hot imagine 23 degrees today! God help us 😀

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2 thoughts on “Querida Matón

  1. Pregnancy pouch is clever but hope they don’t wheel you off to the delivery room. lol!
    As for the letter to the bully, I don’t think I could be composed enough to write a letter to a past bully. I’d break all the pens in anger before I am halfway through.

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  2. Hehehe, i wont give birth yet : P
    Thanks for your comment. I wasn’t bullied so all i can do is laugh at tales of bullies past and hug the ‘bullyees’

    Like

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