Au revoir, ma Princesse

So I’m supposed to say what I feel?
Say how I cannot come to terms with this.
Say how this is so surreal, say how my heart is being torn into a bjillion pieces..
Am I supposed to say I will miss you?
Am I supposed to say I will never hear your voice again?
Am I supposed to say how you will not tease me about stuff the few minutes we get to speak on the phone?

Should I not remember how I will not exchange novels with you again? or how I will not be jealous of your black, full head of hair?
Should I not remember how Abigail and I would hang out at yours, talk about books, our future, boys and everything under the sun?
Should I not remember walking you halfway home and then gisting for another half hour?
Should I not remember teasing you about your nursing thingy?
Should I not remember?????

Should I not cry that I will not see you in your wedding dress nor you go up and down with organisation for mine?
What do you want me to say? That you, my beloved friend C Roy Umuze are no more, that on April 13, 2013 you have left us wondering and confused?

What do I say? that I always thought about you and promised myself I would call?
That I called now and you couldn’t pick up the phone?
Or is it the business we were trying to figure out?
Calister what am I to say?
That you were a perfect example of someone who had seen pain and suffering yet you chose not to dwell on it? that you held on firmly to God and His word?
That you loved God and His work?
Beautiful, intelligent, caring, calm, you brought smile to people’s faces.

I know you are in His arms, without pain, without struggling, without sorrow and I am certain He will give us all the grace to bear this great loss.

Tears blur my vision.
Phlegm constricts my breathing.
Shock stalls my thinking.
How can I process this?
Someone please tell me?
I was about 14 when I first met you, we were naive and full of ideas, ideals and facts about almost anything.
Remember when Abigail and I would discuss football and you would just stare at us?
I’m sure you called us weirdos in your head. Smiles…
Or when we made fun of that dude with the big nose and haughty attitude.
Remember when I told you and Abigail about him and you both were like “are you sure?” You both had my back through my first love, heart break and my initiation into boy wahala 🙂
I remember disliking Taye and Kehinde a bit for taking you away from me. Ok I think I still don’t like them(they wanted to make you their BFF, when Abigail and I were there? For where)
Remember how you spoke at 600 words per minute? I exaggerate….

I know it will be alright with time but the thing is I don’t want it to be, I want to wake up and start laughing at how this is just a long, horrible and painful nightmare. Laugh that your brother woke me up with a message saying you were dead.
Calister, I thank God I met you and I thank God that you were a blessing to everyone who knew you.

Sleep well my dear, we will miss you.
Sleep well my dear, in His arms forever.
Sleep well my dear, for I know you will rise up on that day of triumph and we will all meet again and reign with Him forever.
Rest In Peace, Calister Oghenerevu Umuze

This song,strangely has brought comfort to me and I hope it does too to someone out there who feels all alone, lost and unloved.
The amazing God loves you and wants you to be His. All He wants is that you give Him your heart, ask Him to forgive you and cleanse you with His blood
Imagine, He knows every single thing about you yet He utterly loves you.
I love you all and I thank you for being a part of my life 🙂

6 thoughts on “Au revoir, ma Princesse

    1. Reading this brings fresh tears to my eyes….Take heart Timi, We have hope that we will see her again… we’ll see again.

      God will help us and her family deal with this loss.

      RIP Calister.


  1. Calister is my friend too. I cant bring myself to use ‘was’. Though we are not particularly BFFs, she’s dear, full of life, beautiful and strong. And you’re not the only one jealous of her hair.
    Thanks for sharing this. It made me smile that she brought so much joy to other people that knew her too. May God comfort her family and friends.
    RIP darling Calister


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