I’m here and I am still alive! I logged in to WordPress after a long time today and I was shocked to see the stats, why do you people love me like this? I am speechless.
I didn’t have anything in mind when I decided to make this post so bear with any rambling or unfocused thoughts. I have been going through a rough patch with life and even though I think about this blog daily, I was not in the space to write about it, remember, I never write “just because” but about life from my perspective and it can be hard leaving out your thoughts in these writings.
I lost my dad on the 22nd of December 2017 and he was buried about 3 weeks and 2 days ago(yes I am counting). It is still surreal as I have been operating on auto pilot since this happened; you need to do this, you need to say this and act this way, I have not really given myself a chance to really grieve and mourn. I have been told it will happen but I’m upset that it is taking this long, and even though I have seemed okay so far, I understand the impact this is having on my mental health and let’s just say anxiety and panic attacks have become my new besties.
Dealing with the death of a loved one especially a parent is not something anyone can prepare you for or explain until it happens, I have felt guilt, pain, anger, sadness, rage, hate etc. I have questioned God, myself, people and events, I have tried to be rational in dealing with myself but failed many times. This has been and still is a time I cannot fully put into words but I promised myself and my dad that I would write about him and you’re lucky because you will be the first to read about it when the floodgates I am sure are on the verge of bursting, finally open.
Until then, please stay safe, tell your loved ones how you genuinely feel, appreciate your parents, no matter how they make or have made you feel, spend time with your family if you can and if you can’t, utilise technology; Skype calls, FaceTime, WhatsApp call, use any and every means to connect to the people closest to you, for a time will come when you cannot ask those questions, say those love words or perform that grand gesture.
Have a wonderful week and never forget to smile as it is the needed lifeline for someone out of a dreary day!
Talk to y’all soon xxx