Hello Quirkies, how are we doing today? I have been hiding away from here and to be honest, I have no idea why or rather, I’m not ready to process why.
However, today, I decided to post something, so I went to my drafts and here we are! I hope you enjoy the story and can laugh at it, don’t worry it’s funny to me too, now that I’ve overcome the trauma.
Note: this story will be written the way I wrote it when it happened on the 20th of January, I only added the introduction, a few extra sauce and the end. Gen in this story means generator, a machine that converts mechanical energy into electricity, aka what most Nigerians rely on for electricity.
January 20th, 2019
I did it! I am here, not because I want to but because I am in the middle of an anxiety attack but instead of spiralling down a dark hole, I decided to write down my experience as a power move, in your face anxiety!!!!
I’m in Akungba-Akoko (my former PPA) for a few days. I turned off the Gen about an hour ago(12am) because I was finally sleepy. Tonight, like some of my 2018 nights living in Akungba-Akoko , I was uneasy, every slight sound made me jumpy.
Context; two of my neighbours had their generators stolen last year, I live alone in a somewhat deserted place and I watch too many crime TV series about how people who live alone got killed… so yes I can get a tad (read, “a LOT”) paranoid.
I finally relaxed after a bit and decided to go pee, so I could sleep well. As I was sitting on the toilet, I saw a faint light dancing about in my room. Mogbe🙆🏾♀️ Someone was pointing a flashlight in my room!
My baddo reflexes kick in and I shout “who be that” in a husky voice. They turn it off and on again, so I swiftly got up and moved in front of the main door(only exit) away from the window but with good view of the veranda.
PS: I live in a room selfcon and made burglarproof gate outside the veranda to secure myself and my Gen, remember two big gens were moved and your girl was definitely not taking any chances on the gen her sweat and hard work purchased.
Secure the gen!!!!
They turn it back on again, so I went to the kitchen, picked up my broom stick and start banging on the burglarproof of the window while shouting “wetin you dey find? You better dey go before I come meet you outside.
Who dash me liver? I don’t know till today, my adrenal glands were over pumping adrenaline because your girl was on fire!
I hit it for a few seconds while
telling gingering myself that I would switch to “Ole!!” if my “gangster” talk doesn’t work. My banging worked as they turned it off and left!
I was so relieved and I headed back to the toilet seat to calm myself down and release those bodily fluids that accumulated in the process hehehehe. It was at that point that I realised again that living in this country as an average person is a risk! There was no emergency service I could call apart from shouting and hoping the olode (street security) hears me.
I think they actually did as a few minutes later I heard the whistles and the famous shakabula gunshot sound.
I sat down there almost crying as I knew even if I had an emergency number to call, the chances of them coming was really slim, I wondered what would’ve happened if I was deep asleep! My precious generator would’ve been gone and maybe I would probably have been hurt, who knows🤷🏾♀️. I was fuming because even while walking the streets of Central London at 3am with my friend Ayo, I never felt unsafe.
I suffer from panic and anxiety attacks and just coming off a year of annoyingly high BP. Many things flashed through my head as I sat there; being robbed/raped/killed (yes killed, someone was matcheted to death in this area on Friday). I could feel my heart racing but had to breathe! So obviously, I will not be sleeping and will countdown until I see daylight, pack my bags and head to my mother’s house because this year, nobody will kill me for my mama! God no go gree!
As we can thankfully read, I’m alive and survived one more night there before I left. When I told my neighbour what happened the next day, he said if I hadn’t done anything, I would’ve woken up to a damaged padlock and empty veranda, apparently they do that to ascertain if anyone is home before they strike. I went back to Akungba- Akoko a few more times before I finally handed my keys over to the landlord and said goodbye to the house (where I learnt a lot about myself) and the town!
Bye bye Akungba-Akoko, I will not miss you but I will miss the people I had the privilege of knowing, cheers to 1 year of surviving that town!
That’s it quirkies, may 2019 be a safe one for all of us. Have a fabulous week and don’t forget to smile!